In the dark, with my mind blank for a while, I close my eyes and open it again. Then I see your face and your smile in the air, and suddenly, tears rush down from my face.
I realized how difficult it is not to have you around; missing the warmth, missing your heavy sweet hands holding mine.
My vulnerable heart and my needs are betraying my hopes and dreams of that promised day.
Tell me what it is that i should do. Tell me how to be strong.
In the mornings I walk with my head up thinking of you, telling myself that I can do this alone, but during nights, when the world is sleeping and my mind is no longer distracted, I think of you, the past and how it could have been - If only I was first in your thoughts.
I am trying. During those nights and during those moments when my mind separates from my body to fly back in time, I stop. I shake my head as if it would really shake the thought away forever. Somehow, it just comes back.
I wish you knew how much my heart is aching and how much i wish you were still around.
